


untitled: a collection of niles/azama

by alunbalanced



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Drabbles, M/M, Sentence Prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-24 16:09:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17707448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alunbalanced/pseuds/alunbalanced
Summary: I’m So Weak,





	1. Chapter 1

”i didn't mean to love you so much.”

the words azama says are simple, spoken with no special inflection, but they have niles freezing with his fork halfway to his mouth and his breath catching in his throat.

carefully, calmly, he takes the bite of fish off the end of the fork and places it back on the edge of the plate with a gentle clink.

his tablemate sighs impatiently, nudging his foot from within the tangle of their feet under the table after they had paused their game of footsie to focus on eating. niles focuses now on keeping his face a mask, even as azama continues.

“stop that.”

his mouth moves mechanically.

“stop what, azama?”

if azama had his eyes open (they were never open when they weren't alone,) they would match his exasperation as he spoke.

“thinking. stop thinking. you have this terrible habit of assuming the worst.”

he could barely feel the movement of his lips as he answered, almost feeling as though he were having an out of body experience.

“do i?”

“yes. now stop it. i wasn't finished with what i was saying.”

vaguely, he silently gestured for azama to continue, even as his thoughts raced. he felt strangely clear-headed.

_‘this is how things always end—‘_

“as i was saying, i didn't expect to love you so much,”

_‘i should have known this was coming,’_

”but i do. it's very strange, you see—“

_‘i’d heard rumors he liked to play with people—‘_

“of all the directions my life could have led me,”

_’but i never considered that i would get played as well,’_

“it led me to you. and i've been thinking, recently—”

_‘but i went into this knowing that, thinking it would keep me safe—‘_

“well, recently, i've been thinking of the future. my path isn't over yet, and neither is yours,”

_’and the damned idiot took me for a fool,’_

“so i thought it might be nice for us to walk that path together, for however long it takes to leave this mortal coil.”

_’and here i thought i loved — wait, what?’_

niles shook his head, and the thoughts that had seemed so clear disappeared at once as he stared at azama in dazed confusion.

“... what are you saying?”

a delicate flush dusted azama’s thin cheeks — and when had that appeared? — and he felt lightheaded. masking embarrassment that niles could see right through, azama turned his head away, clicking his tongue in half-hearted irritation.

“there you go, dozing off in the middle of an important conversation.”

when did all the air leave the room? niles struggled not to sound breathless.

”azama. what did you just say.”

his entire body felt tense, the way he usually did before a battle, the way he felt when he thought someone might be trying to pull one over on him. he focused all his attention on azama’s face, watching the blush deepen slightly as the monk turned back to face him.

“... marry me.”

disbelief flooded him.

“marry you?”

“yes, that's what i said. come, niles, you heard what i said. if your answer is no, say it.”

the peevishness coloring azama’s tone filled niles with amusement even as his words made his stomach somersault.

“marry you. marry you? i... even though i am... the way i am?”

impatience now threaded through azama’s voice.

“the way you are? you mean suspicious? overly antagonistic? incredibly inappropriate? self-deprecating to a fault?”

the words held a challenge in them and, despite himself, niles felt himself instinctively rise to meet it, practically growling through his teeth. azama had the gall to look unphased, though his cheeks were still red.

“yeah, all of those things. damn, if that's what you think of me, why do you wanna marry me anyways, huh? bastard.”

and then the bastard in question had the balls to respond, his voice even and calm once more.

”because i love you.”

floored, niles froze where he had half-risen from his seat, prepared to... to leave, to punch azama in the face, to do something, and he stared.

his voice sounded very small to his ears.

“you... love me.”

“i do.”

fight draining from him, he dropped back into his seat, thoughts stumbling into and over each other in his mind as he sorted things out.

“you love me.”

“yes.”

“you want to marry me.”

“as i've said several times.”

azama’s voice washed over him like a balm, and then he spotted a faint glint where his eyes hid behind closed lids. one eye slid halfway open, lazy and drooping, and he felt his heart stutter before picking up speed.

his mouth moved before he could finish the next thought.

“yes.”

the other eye slid open, not enough to be visible to anyone but niles, and he almost wondered if azama could hear his heart beating against his rib cage. the bastard would probably laugh.

“yes? excellent. glad you've caught up and stopped being ridiculous—“

he half tuned azama’s voice out, feeling the nudging of the monk’s foot against his own under the table as if in apology. as he slowly calmed down, he thought about it and couldn’t quite stop the grin curling the corners of his lips up.

together for the rest of their lives? he could get used to that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt:  
> “i didn’t mean to love you so much.”


	2. Chapter 2

“my only regret is... is not telling you i loved you sooner — whoa! watch where you're swingin’ that big stick of yours!”

the utter lack of emotion across azama’s face as he swiped the bladed tip of his naginata towards niles’ middle almost made him feel worse than the flash of pain he'd seen in those briefly widened eyes when azama had spotted him across the battlefield by his master’s side, armed to the teeth and grinning.

“is that so?”

for all that he should have sounded out of breath in the heat and adrenaline of battle, azama could have been sitting and sharing a cup of tea like the last time they met in a seedy pub near the border, chatting about the weather, about the food, about — he cut the thought off. regret welled up in his mouth like bile, and he frowned, trying to pull back to where he could more easily draw his bow, arrow already nocked.

“i regret not telling you sooner — but that doesn't change the way things are. you deserved better than me, anyways.”

the weighted bottom of the spear swept unexpectedly under his feet and knocked him down and he waited for the death blow. he opened the eye that had shut automatically on impact to see azama, poised over him, pain writ in every line of his face.

“... that doesn't change that you're the only one i ever wanted.”

the words pierced him with more force than the tip of the naginata azama brought straight down — but not a killing blow. he knew that if azama were any kind of skilled healer ( _he was_ ), he could have pierced one of his lungs and he'd have died breathless. could have gone for the liver, the one he'd nearly destroyed during a drinking game with the monk on a visit that had them laughing into the night and stumbling and fumbling into the bed they'd shared in that inn on the border. could have gone straight for the throat and made it quick, if he had wanted.

but he didn't, and it hurt worse, cut deeper, seeing the tension drain from azama’s shoulders as the telltale glimmer of threatening magic lit him up from behind, familiar and filling him with dread. azama let a pained groan fall from his lips, dropping to his knees, to his front, shoulders rising shallowly with weakened breath.

“niles, are you injured? pull back — the princess called her big brother for reinforcements and his ninjas are too risky to face head on.”

prince leo’s lip curled in disdain and niles looked up numbly, noting the spatters of blood on his liege’s armor that told him enemies had drawn close enough to warrant bloodshed over brynhildr.

“are you injured, milord?”

his voice was an expressionless echo, one that caused his brow to furrow.

in one ear, he heard leo respond — and in the other, he heard azama chuckle while explaining that the retribution his deity gifted him for protection only worked to keep him safe when he wielded no weapon, an avatar of mercy in the midst of the dead and dying. he heard the laughter they had shared, feeling ill as he woodenly raised his stave to cast a mild healing spell on leo, who nodded his thanks. he could feel his own wound ease as he did, the blood slowing to clot.

odin raced up from gods know where, the brightness of his uniform cutting through the dimming world.

“milord, the way is clear — we should make haste while the ninja are otherwise occupied! prince ryouma has yet to appear.”

niles’ eyes dropped to azama’s prone form, still breathing ( _still breathing, you nit_ ), but silent. he fought down the urge to raise his staff again for someone proclaimed an enemy.

“niles, we need to retreat.”

his answer left his mouth before he'd given it any thought.

“i will follow presently, lord leo — it won't take me long to catch up.”

the look leo gave him was penetrating, and for a split second he thought he saw the young prince’s eyes slide over to where azama lay before he nodded briskly.

“don't take long.”

he stayed where he sat until he was sure they weren't within hearing distance before crawling nearer, lifting a bloodied hand to move the monk’s head so he could breathe more easily.

“why didn't you kill me, you fool... why did you shift your blow, it would be easier if you'd ended this...”

he moved his healing rod gently over azama’s back as he quietly berated the monk, healing the worst of the wound brynhildr had inflicted, drawing the dark magic like poison from a wound. something in him eased as azama took a steadier breath, but unconsciousness had taken the monk.

“where are your company’s healers, you daft idiot... i can't leave you like this...!”

indecision wracked him — stay with his lover, for all he had tried to kill him ( _but couldn't, his heart whispered to him insistently_ ), or retreat to join his liege, the man who held his life and loyalty?

his choice was made for him with the sound of thunderous wings, princess hinoka, herself landing in front of him and flinging herself from the saddle.

he found himself shoved aside without a second thought while she rolled him over, checking for any further wounds, before finally pinning him with a glare of acknowledgement. the glare dropped to the hand still holding his healing staff and confusion took anger’s place.

“... you healed him. you healed him, why did you do that? you were fighting each other, i watched from overhead —“

shaking his head cleared it of cobwebs and his regret surged again to the front.

“... when he wakes up, tell him not to miss next time.”

with the princess’ confused gaze on his back, he pushed himself to his feet and retreated from the battlefield to rejoin his prince.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt:  
> “my only regret is not telling you i loved you sooner.”


End file.
